Young People’s Laureate
For London

LOROS

I watched my mother form
her new body. Cheekbones becoming violent,
hips clucking to meet skin.
I would wash her as she used to wash me,
holding a small plastic jug under
the warm water and tipping it over her back,
her edges broken by bubbles.

That night was like any other night
in the hospice. People quietly dying,
except we ate ham and pineapple pizza
in her bed.  Watch out for the men,
they have the upper hand, she said smelling salty,
shoulders poured against a medical pillow.
Then the next day, when the doctor said

she needed to eat more, she laughed,
told him she had waited her whole life to be
this thin. I laughed with her.
When I try to replay her voice
I can’t. This small slice is what I have.
A woman who is happy with her own shrinking
in the last few weeks of life.

You Know a Market Where the Tulips are Still Three Quid

and you buy them to remind yourself that you can.
They begin tight-lipped and upright,
but their petals become loose, droop.
Their stems will start to lean away from their own.
You know the cat will cry at two AM,
some nights you will sleep right through,
others your body will fling you upright as though
your brother is dying. You know what the wine does to your teeth.
You know about leaving.
You know you keep useless things
in case you need to build a shrine.
You know how to make gods of men
whose toothbrushes sit caked on the counter.
You know this, and you let them weigh your avocado,
rolling it around in their palm.

To say no, and to not feel guilty.

Embrace my culture.

To love, and to be loved.

To go to school and to be happy.

Work, study, equal to men.

To get the same pay.

To be safe and to be free

from violence, from discrimination, 

have my freedom to say what I want.

To go anywhere I like.

To feel good, do what I want.

To ride a bike. To drive.

The right to be accepted

for my choices in life. To be myself.

To appreciate myself.

To follow myself. To follow

my dreams. To understand

that we are all the same

no matter where we came from.

The right to come back home,

feeling love.

All the flowers in my garden.

My diary, when I need to talk.

The sun when the sky is grey, 

A glass of water.

The rose that stands bold after its been hurt.

Golden hair. The light

coming on in a dark room.

A mother’s love. 

The morning’s singing bird. 

Golden.

When my heart stops beating, you’re 

my heart beat. 

My lifeline when I am

on the edge.

You’re the hoping of dawn

that my eyes drink,

the heart of a book. 

The music that lifts, the smile that shines

in me. The smile that makes the trees sing.

You’re my legs when I can’t walk.

The silence, and the voice.

You’re my verses. The hope I testify to.

The gift.

Every important thing

in the world.

I am here because you have been

at my side.

Spring trumpets.

Flying smiles, sunshine.

Freedom, dancing, soft skin, love.

Life is beautiful.

The acid green refreshing smell.

Retro yellows, browns and gold. 

Green eyes, green trees.

The sea, mountains, leaves.

Basil, spinach

fresh cucumber. 

Green apples and peppers.

The music.

The green birds.

The grass, your T-shirt.

My dress. 

A stormy morning.

The cover of my favourite book.

Our Whatsapps.

Ripe lemons, turmeric.

Flowers and daffodils, crocus and blossom.

a bunch of bananas. 

Comets and clouds, stars inspired.

Washing up gloves and sunglasses.

Your cheeks are like bright pink pens. 

The green plants are all human life,

my heart opens like a book.

Night falls like an orange ball, 

you see your childhood over and over again.

I can do anything. Paint.

Travel. I’m ready.

Walk for longer, 

stay out in the light,

Ice cream and friends,

birds singing, birth

good air.

I have been enjoying the crowd on the streets today.

Excitement is a light blue stomach.

I have been enjoying my art.

Happiness is mint green teeth.

I have been enjoying sleeping throughout the night.

I remember whole mornings full of sadness,

a huge tightness in my chest.

Anxiety is a scary brain.

Sadness, a black heart,

confusion is a silver head.

Grey clouds surround me. The confused day is full.

I left my family and I always miss them every single day.

Outside my window I can see the beautiful birds,

a tree and a house and so many cars.

I see people running.

A middle-aged man walking with his hands in the pockets.

I wish my older brother was here.

I want to see my family again.

I want to see my mother again.

And of all the green flowers bringing happiness to my eyes.

I will never stop believing in freedom.

I will never stop believing my laughter.

I remember the confidence I had in my body

in that transparent sea.

Relaxation, a blue mind.

I remember the beach

laying on the soft shiny sand. The sun was kissing

my skin and sea singing its wavey melody to my ears.

My favourite place is Asmera.

The beach, the countryside.

My favourite place is Massawa.

I know how to cook Anjera.

I know how to ride a bike.

I know how to eat,

I know how to make zigni.

I will never stop believing in myself.

I will never stop believing in change.

I will never stop believing that everything will be good.

If I could change the world, there would never be hungry children.

If I could change the world, there would never be no wars.

All family would live together forever,

no war and more peace.

I am a human,

I am atoms,

I am happiness

I see the street and someone’s house

I see trains rolling by and the pigeons

I see the endless jungle and heavy clouds

I see two squirrels playing 

I see music and bed

I see birds and monkeys

I hear the silence 

I hear voices in the other room

the cat purring on the bed

I hear cars

the TV

I hear my mum

the waves of the sea 

I feel the ice on my head

I feel cold and happy

I feel the hot air blowing on my skin

and the snow

I feel the warm sun

and wet rain 

I feel the sun shining down on my face 

I feel the heat and wind

I smell chicken and rice

the wet grass and the bare trees

coffee and oranges

the sand blended with sea water 

it’s a windy place

it’s raining

it’s snowing

the weather is hot

there’s a light sea breeze

I’m running along the beach with my dog 

I’m sitting on that bench with you

children are running trying to catch the chickens 

I’m dancing on a starry night on the beach 

I’m talking with my mum

drinking tea with her

I’m having a good time in a good place with my best friend

I’m stretching my arms to feel free

the rain is a blanket

the wind holds me

the sun is a wheel

the beach is a heaven 

his smile is a bullet

your eyes are an ocean

sometimes I want to walk in the rain

sometimes I want to go Germany

sometimes I want to dive very deep in the sea

sometimes I just want to feel a hot breeze on my face

sometimes i want to fly like bird to feel free

sometimes I want to walk

how nice is to walk in the Spring and breathe in the air

how babies make me beam

how you make the best cups of tea

how when I call my father I feel happy

how he buys me flowers 

I’ve been thinking about when I chat with my friends

and they make me smile

when they call by

and we drink too much coffee and we talk

when they remember my birthday  

how the bus driver slows down to help me

when someone asks me how I am

when I see my sister’s children on video chat

how safe it felt when you said ‘welcome back’